Boy This is Fun!

I saw a guy that I used to work with at our gym the other day and he sat down next to me and started asking me, "So are you done yet?" When I laughed and sort of gave him a non reply, he started going into the whole, "Wow, three kids. Sure you can handle it?" Diatribe so many people feel the need to give us these days. Well, dang people. If we didn't think we could handle it we wouldn't have decided to have another one. And whether or not we can handle it, or should handle it, or how many kids I am going to have or not have and if they are going to public, private or homeschool is not your business and really isn't open for discussion, thankyouverymuch. I don't know what it is about the third kid that makes people feel the need to 1)Talk to you like you are stupid and clearly didn't think things through before deciding to have another child and 2)Treat you like a martyr, because clearly only a martyr would have three children.

When I said, "Oh I'm not really worried about having a big family, I came from a big family", he reminds me that coming from a big family and raising one of your own are two very different things. Yes, I realize this. Funny how when you tell people you are having a third kid the first thing that pops into most peoples mouths is something along the lines of "But you already had a matching set, why would you want to mess that up?" or "Are you sure you can handle this?" and then a sheepish congratulations follows, but it has already been spoiled by the clear thoughts of this woman is crazy.

Perhaps this is the type of stuff that all people hear, perhaps it is just me. A couple other friends of mine who are expecting a third and fourth say they aren't getting quite as much flack as I am. One has two boys, so people are like "Oh cool, trying for a girl?" and the other who has three now people say, "Oh good, you are making it even now. " Yes because trying for that girl or evening up the playing field is so much more noble than ruining a matching boy-girl set.

Oh well since I ruined my children's chance at happiness, I'll have to make sure my children take good notes so they'll have their stories right when they tell their therapists how awful it was to be one of three*.

*We do reserve the right to decide to have more children, and if we do, please don't ask us "Are you done now?"

Comments

[Sonya]

Oh man. Don't I know how that feels. People are so funny with their comments/words of wisdom aren't they? There is just something about being pregnant that seems to draw them out.

[beth]

Two things:

When I was preg with Sarah, we were in SanDiego at IN N OUT, when this guy approached us and asked if I was having a boy. I said no. He said, oh, 0 for 3. I am sorry, WHAT?? in front of my girls!

And then, when they ask you if they are planned. This old guy in the grocery store asked me if the youngest was planned. I just said, GOD PLANNED HER!

by the way, if I haven't told you yet, the laundry increases exponentially with a third munchkin running around.. Just be warned!!!

[Anna]

Pregnant women seems to separate the fools from the cools. Some people just can't control themselves around mothers-to-be, asking all kinds of nosy questions non-pregnant people never get. Why is it so provocative? And if you answer -hoping they'll go away - they never stop, if you don't, they never stop...Your post really got me started, my youngest (of four) is five, but I'm clearly not over it!

[jeanetta]

atta girl! you give it to 'em.
while we didnt decided to have a third. sort of just happened....as a matter of fact none of mine were planned. i thik if i had planned it would have been to not have any..lol. but GOD saw differently. and while there are times that yes i want to pull my hair out, i wouldnt trade any of them. actually the are you crazy attitude came from my own father. that hurt the most i think. but yes we have an unmatched set and yes attitudes flare between them as they get older. but i dont like things all matchy-matchy. if you look around in my house at my furnishings and dishes and stuff nothing is a matching set, but it all works together. i guess thats us too.

[Chara Michele]

Oh my! It amazes me that people would actually think it was their business... Well I think it is wonderful that you are having a 3rd child :)

[Christina B]

I am 22, married, with kids 5, 19mos and 6mos... even my parents think I am crazy.

[Tiffany]

People never cease to amaze me. I get the same sort of thing in reverse...I'm 27, married, and don't have any children, and you wouldn't believe the number of people that say, "Why don't you have kids yet?" or "Don't you want kids?" Totally not their business. I would say you're at full liberty to shoot right back at people with questions about their own families. That ought to shut them up =)

[Vicki]

Try being pregnant with twins sister!!!! The questions about "are they real or fertility drugs?" and the audible sigh of relief that they are boy/girl. "oh, how perfect, one of each..."
We are thinking about telling people that we aren't sure yet whether we're keeping both....

[Rebecca]

Haha! I am pregnant with Number 4 (17 weeks). I was singing at a wedding and needed to buy a dress that worked with my are you fat or pregnant belly. I found a really cute green empire waist dress at Marshalls and the lady at check out started talking to me. I commented on the design of the dress and how it would work for my my situation. She instantly gave me all kinds of advice about my diet and how often to sit. She also told me not to wear high heels with the dress. I told her that I had heels I was planning on wearing, that I do fine in heels, and that they are no problem during pregnancy. She was adamant about the high heels. I siad "Well, this is my fourth kid, I think I know I can wear heels!" She looked at me and said "Four?" She didn't speak to me again while she finished up ringing up my purchase.

Somehow You cross this imaginary line with people when it comes to their idea of an acceptable sized family. Don't let it bug you. Its their problem!

[Vallen Queen]

Why is it these days that EVERY DARN THING is EVERYBODY'S DARN BUSINESS? I have long ago perfected my "who asked ya?" glare. I could come up and teach it to you if you like.

[Lisa]

I think you just said what every mom of 3 or more kids has thought at one time or another! We have 5 children and when we all go out together, you would not believe all the comments and looks we get. Usually its "Are ALL of these YOURS?!" and "Your not having any more, are you?!" Though we have no plans for more children, we do have fun telling people that we want to have a couple more. Its always fun to see their expressions with that response. There are also those times (rare and far between) that we get a couple that say "You have a beautiful family. We have 5 (or more) ourselves. A big family is nice, isnt it?". We love those days!
*just stumbled onto your blog- love your craftyness! Like me- a bit of everything!

[Pamela]

We had three, I know exactly how you feel about stupid people and their stupid, rude questions. Actually I wanted six but my uterus wasn't up to it (3 c-sections was all it could take) so I let my kids bring over all their friends, I got my six in a manner of speaking. My kids loved it and each of them has told me they had a fairy tale childhood.

So go for it, have a football team if you like. Love every minute and take loads of pictures because they grow up so fast, my baby will be 24 in July.

[annie]

I love this post. When I was pregnant with my 4th (I was only 24 at this time) I became a single parent.On day we were at the store and in the check out line and some oof that didnt know my grandma was with me asked her why I didnt know what got me that way.Oh my lord she was mad and gave him what for. lol I got crap everywhere I went and I actually was a little scared with my 3rd but i never admitted it. Its not like someday someone just gives you 3 or more kids and you are taken totally unaware. You get broken in slowly one child at a time... lol (unless its twins or more...shivers)

[annie]

I love this post. When I was pregnant with my 4th (I was only 24 at this time) I became a single parent.On day we were at the store and in the check out line and some oof that didnt know my grandma was with me asked her why I didnt know what got me that way.Oh my lord she was mad and gave him what for. lol I got crap everywhere I went and I actually was a little scared with my 3rd but i never admitted it. Its not like someday someone just gives you 3 or more kids and you are taken totally unaware. You get broken in slowly one child at a time... lol (unless its twins or more...shivers)

[maryanne]

I can relate to what you're saying, both the pregnancy depression and the remarks people make about a 3rd pregnancy.Where I was working I had so many comments along the lines of: "sooner you than me";or Ï feel sorry for you"or "how can you afford 3?Ï was obviously seen as some kind of undisciplined idiot or martyr.

[Beth]

My grandmother looked at me and said *well I just can't be happy for you* When I told her I was having my 3rd. That was a nice one but the better one was sitting in the hospital holding my new baby boy and then saying *Nothing good ever happens to me* You are holding your 7th great grandchild how many people live to see that many of your grandkids having kids?

[varenia]

It's not just you!!!

I come from a pretty small extended family, and so does my husband. I think everyone assumed we would stop at two kids, since we already had one boy and one girl, especially. During my third pregnancy, I got a TON of "wow, you're pregnant, AGAIN!!!" From both family and friends, acquaintances and people I just pass in town on a regular basis (like in the grocery store, LOL.) It didn't help that my kids are all fairly close in age.

Now I'm pregnant with our fourth baby, and you wouldn't believe some of the comments I've heard. As it is, before I was even showing this time around, strangers are constantly commenting, "wow, you have your hands full!" My kids are 5, 3, and 15 months. They're definitely a small team of children, but I guess because they're mine I don't see them as the large "brood" that others seem to. I just see them as individuals, and the dynamics of all of our individual relationships.

I guess people have a hard time adjusting to something other than what they had expected out of you, but I've learned to deal with, and it even makes me laugh sometimes.

Wishing you a beautiful baby and a lot of large family love! :)